Thursday, November 4, 2010

I Wanna Cry Right Now

Picture it (said in Sophia's voice)'re home alone with your favorite brew or glass of something and you're chilling HARD.  You have the place to yourself with no real responsibilities, but to relax and do you.  You flip channels and maybe a couple of tunes are treating you in the background.  Eventually you're captivated.  Wait, what do we see?  Awwww hell, the cable guide says these box office hits are coming on in a few.

Now you've got a heavy decision to make.  WTF?!  Of course you could always toggle between two of 'em, but you don't really want to do that, do you?  Nah, ya don't.  If you have a penis, you're straight (no pun intended).  It's not really a big deal.  You're going with Training Day or Taken.  PERIOD.  Now if you have a vagina, the weight of the world are on your shoulders!  In situations like this, I've gotten mad and thrown the damn remote.  I remember one time turning the TV off.  How am I supposed to choose?  HOW?!  That night of relaxation I mentioned above...done.  Dead and gone.  I'm stressed.  You know what I do? I go right back to the beginning of the guide just to see if I have any other options.  Surely I could be watching CNN.  Isn't the Prez on somewhere?  I see these are my "only" options, so I sit the hell back down.  Grab that glass of wine...again, get back up to refill it, then press enter on Steel Magnolias.

There.  There's my decision.  That's it.  Why? Not just because the cast is stellar.  Not just because there are some truly funny parts.  Not just because there are quotables all up and through the movie.  It's mostly because I live for that graveyard scene.  I watch that damn movie juuuust for M'Lynn's breakdown.  I do.  I love it.  I'm a girl.  It's what we do.  We watch shyt, ON PURPOSE, that'll make us cry.  You know we have options.  We could read a book, but nooooo, we wanna watch and wipe.  It's wicked. Sometimes, I'd rather cry than cackle.  Sometimes I'd rather weep than gasp in fear.  Just sometimes.  I'm publicly acknowledging this well known, but unspoken fact.  I do solemnly swear that I love getting my cry on.  Now, because I'm a petty broad, I'm going to challenge you.  If you do NOT want to cry, like you claim you don't while you were reading my admission, then do not scroll any further.  If you're in the mood for a courtesy sniffle, then proceed...


In doing research, like the good blogger that I am, I found the lines for the scene annnnnd I cried cutting and pasting it.

M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone]
M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[continues sobbing]
Clairee: Here!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]
Clairee: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!
Ouiser Boudreaux: [taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?
Clairee: Hit her!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Are you *high*, Clairee?
Truvy: [in a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?
Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!
Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enough!
Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!
Ouiser Boudreaux: [snatches away] Let go o' me!
Clairee: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!  

I took it to the next level though by finding the clip on YouTube.  Press play if you dare.


  1. Definitely tear worthy! By the time that scene comes along, I've been crying for at least 30 minutes. They usually start when Shelby is leaving work and she gets those pains while trying to put her bag on her shoulder. I go full on ugly cry when M'Lynn is in her hospital room reading mags and rubbing her with lotion. I have that movie on DVD and I still watch it every time it comes on cable. The Notebook was good, but no comparison for me. Steel Mags would win that one every time.

  2. Oooooh, yes. Please bring it back to Shelby's leaving work with the pains! Everything you said gets me. Ha! I wanna cry right now, seriously!

  3. I must be the only person on the planet who hasn't seen that movie yet. I normally don't feel like crying, so I haven't made myself watch it yet. Whatever, maybe one day I will.


I've got a piece of your mind. Thanks!