Sunday, November 14, 2010


This is my backyard. 
This is also a moment of clarity.

Friday, November 12, 2010


Dear Visitor,

Some people think I'm way too cute to have such a foul mouth.  I admit that I curse quite a bit.  I've been known to blow bubbles when I speak, what with all the soap in my mouth.  Earlier today I edited one of my posts and tweets and tried to remove the profanity.  It was an epic fail.  I'm really okay with who I am and what I say, so to anyone who thinks I'm way too cute to have such a foul mouth, please suck it.

Best fucking regards,

P.S. Notice the greeting was singular?  Oh, well that's because I don't get many visitors, so why address my imagination.  I'm all about keeping it real. 
P.P.S. "fucking" didn't register in my spellcheck.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Godfather

I think it's on my profile, but let me state for the record that I'm a Washington, DC native.  No, I didn't briefly live there and claim the city.  I was born and raised in the District of Columbia.  Only true natives like moi can understand the importance of this distinction.  So many people will rep DC (sometimes referred to as Chocolate City), but they know they shouldn't 'cause more often than not, they lived in the suburbs of Maryland or Virginia and think it's a-okay to lump themselves in the DC pool.  I wish they'd stop it!  They should just say "I'm from the *DMV area" and no one would have a problem with it. 

Anyway, like most cities, we have things that are unique to us that I love.  Take for instance, good old **Go-Go music.  It's like a cover band with percussion dominating.  There's nothing like it.  NOTHING.  It's the one type of music that (black) Washingtonians will and can bond over.  Period.  We all have Chuck Brown stories. This man is an icon and old as hell. The day that he dies will shut the city down, much like last year's blizzard.  I'm not joking.  He's all of it.  

What I love most is that there are so many bands, there's music for all generations, and I'm not exaggerating.  My friends' parents have partied to Chuck.  I've partied to Chuck.  Last year, I took my son and nephews to party to Chuck.  He's clean, always has been, and the music is good.  Here's a YouTube vid of one of his more mainstream hits.


*DMV = DC, MD, and VA
**Go-Go is also a noun and can be used in the following way, "I went to the go-go last night."

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

No Uterus = Sexiness

Apparently having my uterus removed is an asset in the dating world.  Here I am thinking "Woe is me.  I'm divorced, with two old ass kids with no man."  Well, I'm surprised to find out, I got one up on these chicks out here.  After years of pain, when I was 26, I made the decision to get a hysterectomy.  The surgical procedure was necessary and the results meant that I wouldn't be able to have children.  Sad huh? Not.  Here's what I learned.  I'm the shit.  Boys actually find this attractive about me FOR THE WRONG REASONS!  I was told, "I actually like that you can't have kids.  (insert blank stare emoticon like this O__O )  You don't have a period and I don't have to worry about getting you pregnant."  O__O again.

Should I be flattered in any way?  So far, I haven't been. At the very least, I know my dating stock market value has increased.  Gooooo me, not.         

Saturday, November 6, 2010


For fucksake, shits, and giggles, I'm gonna randomly share what I googled, during the day.  It's really funny to see.  Today, here's what I just had to find:

  • GS Boyz - I was looking up these fellas, cuz I've been listening to music all day.  They came up with the stupid club hit Stanky Leg.  Curios, I wondered if they'd had any other hits.  Nope.
  • I'm Doing Me lyrics - Fantasia's song was on and there was a part that I couldn't understand.  Naturally, I pressed pause, googled the lyrics, and then proceeded to sing along, and 
  • Angela Simmons Gimme Dat - Ciara's song came on and I love it.  I remember first hearing it, via a YouTube video that Angela Simmons made lip syncing and dancing to her song.  

    Friday, November 5, 2010

    Most Assuredly

    One of my twitterbuds tweeted a quote from Ms. Zsa Zsa Gabor.  It reads "You never really know a man until you have divorced him."  Yes, you can know him well while you're still together and when you're in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and you've broken up.  But there's something about marriage and divorce that'll show a dude's real and true self.  Are you kind, really?  Are you funny, really?  Are you mean, really? Are you selfish, really?  Are you an asshole, really?  Can I answer these questions, really?  Yes, I can, within the teeniest millisecond, and that's why I agree.  I know my ex now better than ever, b-s-a-d!  

    Thursday, November 4, 2010

    I Wanna Cry Right Now

    Picture it (said in Sophia's voice)'re home alone with your favorite brew or glass of something and you're chilling HARD.  You have the place to yourself with no real responsibilities, but to relax and do you.  You flip channels and maybe a couple of tunes are treating you in the background.  Eventually you're captivated.  Wait, what do we see?  Awwww hell, the cable guide says these box office hits are coming on in a few.

    Now you've got a heavy decision to make.  WTF?!  Of course you could always toggle between two of 'em, but you don't really want to do that, do you?  Nah, ya don't.  If you have a penis, you're straight (no pun intended).  It's not really a big deal.  You're going with Training Day or Taken.  PERIOD.  Now if you have a vagina, the weight of the world are on your shoulders!  In situations like this, I've gotten mad and thrown the damn remote.  I remember one time turning the TV off.  How am I supposed to choose?  HOW?!  That night of relaxation I mentioned above...done.  Dead and gone.  I'm stressed.  You know what I do? I go right back to the beginning of the guide just to see if I have any other options.  Surely I could be watching CNN.  Isn't the Prez on somewhere?  I see these are my "only" options, so I sit the hell back down.  Grab that glass of wine...again, get back up to refill it, then press enter on Steel Magnolias.

    There.  There's my decision.  That's it.  Why? Not just because the cast is stellar.  Not just because there are some truly funny parts.  Not just because there are quotables all up and through the movie.  It's mostly because I live for that graveyard scene.  I watch that damn movie juuuust for M'Lynn's breakdown.  I do.  I love it.  I'm a girl.  It's what we do.  We watch shyt, ON PURPOSE, that'll make us cry.  You know we have options.  We could read a book, but nooooo, we wanna watch and wipe.  It's wicked. Sometimes, I'd rather cry than cackle.  Sometimes I'd rather weep than gasp in fear.  Just sometimes.  I'm publicly acknowledging this well known, but unspoken fact.  I do solemnly swear that I love getting my cry on.  Now, because I'm a petty broad, I'm going to challenge you.  If you do NOT want to cry, like you claim you don't while you were reading my admission, then do not scroll any further.  If you're in the mood for a courtesy sniffle, then proceed...


    In doing research, like the good blogger that I am, I found the lines for the scene annnnnd I cried cutting and pasting it.

    M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
    M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
    [in a firm tone]
    M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
    [continues sobbing]
    Clairee: Here!
    [grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]
    Clairee: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!
    Ouiser Boudreaux: [taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?
    Clairee: Hit her!
    Ouiser Boudreaux: Are you *high*, Clairee?
    Truvy: [in a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?
    Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!
    Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enough!
    Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!
    Ouiser Boudreaux: [snatches away] Let go o' me!
    Clairee: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!  

    I took it to the next level though by finding the clip on YouTube.  Press play if you dare.

    Wednesday, November 3, 2010

    I'm Whipped

    It's no secret that Will's wittle wonder Willow Smith is talented and adorable, but there is something more.  It's beyond what a parent (either hers or I) can recognize and see in a child.  I'm almost always ooohing and ahhhing over some puppy, but it's rare that I get this way about a human, let alone a potentially annoying child.  For some hater-esque reason, I completely disregarded the hoopla surrounding her, until a few weeks after the world knew.  My bubble was popped and I stood (or sat in my office) looking like that surprised emoticon.  I JUST COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS SEEING AND HEARING.  Sure, she has a quasi-baby voice.  Don't they all at that age? I mean she IS 9, but she can sing, like really sing.

    I watched her interview on the Ryan Seacrest radio show, and her gum chewing never bothered me. Nope, it didn't.  I thought it was cute and appropriate (kinda) for a kid, who was probably a wee bit nervous.  Then her official video debuted which was verrrry fitting and fun.  I never raised my brow, unless it accompanied a finger snapping in a circle.  Other than that, I was smiling and bouncing.

    Now she goes and has her first live performance on Ellen and slayed many grown folks who've been in the game for a minute.  I'm fancying her to be the next Aaliyah.  Yep, I said it and I mean it.  She's got "it."  Peep her hair whippage below and whip yours while you're at it.

    Tuesday, November 2, 2010

    The Daily Grind

    I'm a tweeter.  I love it.  I think I've had my account since like 08, which is kind of a long time.  I'm not really sure why I'm mentioning this.  Wait, I know why.  It's because early yesterday morning, one of the funniest people I follow on Twitter said it was National Blog Posting Month. The challenge is to write something, anything, every day.  I needed this motivation and decided to have it full.  So here I is, posting away.  I'm really excited and determined.  I even printed out a little calendar in Word and started to fill in the days with topics and ideas.  I'm not married to all of them, but a few got me pretty committed.  Plus, I have like 3 or 4 drafts sitting and waiting to be edited, so this challenge right here, again, is the perfect jump start for me to write, right now.

    Happy reading!   

    p.s. I love homophones.

    Monday, November 1, 2010

    I Feel Like Puking

    Well, at least that was the overwhelming feeling I had over the weekend.  I went out on Friday night, for homecoming (Goooooo Terps) and did the most.  I had high hopes for celebrating being an alumni from the great University of Maryland, but tuh I foiled those plans...QUICKLY.  At least I had fun, right?  Here's how it all went down:

    • Showered
    • Poured a glass of wine
    • Sipped aforementioned while applying makeup
    • Got dressed
    • Drove to happy hour/party
    • Accepted glass of wine from friend
    • Kee-cackled
    • Accepted glass of wine from friend
    • Took pictures
    • Attended a meeting in the ladies room (fun talks)
    • Participated in champagne toast for chum's bday
    • Giggled
    • Drank a shot of patron (I completely FORGOT about this until a recap with BF)
    • Accepted glass of wine from friend
    • Became concerned
    • Posed
    • Said goodbyes
    • Drove home
    • Slept
    • Woke up RIDICULOUSLY early (6am)
    • Wandered aimlessly around house
    • Tripped over dog a few times
    • Prayed to porcelain God
    • Complained
    • Whined
    • Moaned
    • Chanted
    • Gave an ef you to porcelain God
    • Sulked
    • Missed another homecoming party
    • Slept, finally
    • Felt better

    *no food was consumed since morning