Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Zero point Zero

I'm so many things, besides the center of attention and a mom.  People like me, some even love me.  I've been told I've got good energy.  Actually, I've been told a host of wonderful things about my radiant personality and how I make others feel.  That's why, it might be kinda hard to understand how deep my lonliness runs.  It seems like a harsh or inaccurate statement to make, but I don't have any friends.  I take responsibilty for my part.  Surely this post won't offend, because I tell the truth and keeps it gully.  I should probably have included some quotes, but fuck it.  I'll explain further.  Why not? I'll shed light on the self imposed allegation of inaccuracy. 

  • I've got a best friend, about whom posts have been written.  She lives in Los Angeles.  We speak and/or text pretty much every day.  If we're lucky, we can get a good Skype session in  at least once a week.  She's the one person on this earth I can share EVERYTHING with and not feel judged.  For that and her I'm very grateful.

  • I've got two other girlfriends that I've known since 11 years old.  Right, gasp.  That's a long time.  I love them dearly.  It's just that "our" (there are the quotes I talked about earlier) relationship has changed.  They're sisters, so they're pretty much eternally close.  Unlike my ass getting accidentally knocked up - twice, at very young ages, they're JUST starting their families.  While they're loading and unloading carseats and putting together modern baby gadgets, which are so fucking foreign to me, I'm dealing with a tween and teen.  I'm having pending period and sex talks.  They're over there assigning nicknames to private parts and talking in voices only Otis, my pup, would recognize.  We're in different spaces.  Been there. Done that.  Won't ever. Go back.  So you see?  We really only have the past in common, and that's okay!  I understand.  I'm just explaining to y'all. 

  • I have two male friends.  They've both found love and so they're fully into their significant others.  Nuff said.  

  • Then there's my homegirl that I met on a Back-to-School night when my tween was in kinnygarden.  Our kids, her boy and my girl, became best friends.  In fact, they're still friends and it's the most adorable thing.  Anyway, meeting her was such a blessing.  It's been a long time, since I connected with a chick and I met her when I was married.  We kicked it like none other and I attribute her apartment patio to my emotional stability.  We had many a night out there, just chilling.  Well, love called and she answered.  This one, she didn't just relocate to another town.  Noooo.  She left the damn country and went to Germany for two years.  I could barely handle the 4 hour move, which came first, but that shit she pulled going across a massive body of water and shit...it hurt.  Our relationship never recovered.  Don't get it twisted, she's still my ride or die, but you know shit's changed.  Oh, I should definitely add that two of her closest friends, became two of mine, buuuutttt...one moved back to her hometown, i.e. away from the DMV and the other is still here and madly in love.  When I first separated, the three of us did the most hitting up happy hours and road tripping and such. We had a ball.  There were never any arguments or a falling out.  We kinda grew apart.  We don't talk regularly on the phone, nor do we text.  Months can and have gone by when we'll see each other.  Throw in a dick or two and that pretty much explains our stray.  No love lost, because it's still there...just different.

  • I'm close to my ex's, brother's, ex-wife (yeah, you might need to read that again), but wouldn't you know it - she up and got married.  I don't need to go too far into the friends I made as a result and during my marriage, do I?  One in particular had my heart, but there were two problems.  1.  Her husband couldn't stand me, and 2. they fucking moved to another state.  I got a divorce.  That was that.  We're still in contact, though she's now local, but that ain't the same either.  What hasn't changed is our desire to be entrepreneurs, which is pretty dope.  Our ideas have been bouncing off each other for years.  I love that.  

  • Annnd, what about those 9-5'ers I've got? What can I say, beyond the obvious.  When you stop working with each other, it's a wrap.  Of course, that's NOT all of the time, but it's pretty often happened to me. Me no likey.

Soooo there you have it.  I have friends, just not the kind or type I'd like.  Sometimes I want to go get a drink and have dinner.  Sometimes I want a concert buddy.  Sometimes I want to go to a spa and sit around sipping shit from fancy glasses with a mint green mask on my face.  Sometimes I want to borrow an outfit or bangle.  Sometimes I want to go shopping with my girls and #icant.   

Saturday, March 5, 2011


Sometimes being a parent fucking sucks.  I honestly wish people thought longer and harder, before they get longer and harder.  Yeah, that might be a bit crass, but whatevs.  The amount of responsibility that comes with overseeing, guiding, massaging, and encouraging a child's life is a lot.  It really is.  Besides that cute cuddly baby?  Oh he turns into a teenager with stinky feet, p.s.  I love 'em.  Lord knows it.  Anything in my power, I'll do to protect my babies.  I will.  In fact, I'll take off work hunting down a vicious dog to safeguard 'em.  Let me back up...

earlier this week (actually four weeks ago, b/c that's when I started this post)

I'm at work, on time I might add, putting the finishing touches on my morning make-up and I get a call.  On my mobile.  From my daughter.  She normally texts when she's at the bus stop or on it.  I raised my brow at her call and answered...to her screaming and panicking.  I couldn't make her out at first, but then she said it.  A FUCKING PIT BULL WAS CHASING HER AND MY SON WHILE THEY WERE WALKING TO SCHOOL. 


I tried to calm her as she screamed and begged "Mommy what do we do? What do we do?"  I'm tearing up, side note.  I was in DC, at least 25 minutes away from them.  There was silence and rustling and *tustling then she said they were able to "escape" and were running back home.  This was AFTER she jumped on top of a car and my son hid behind it.  The dog apparently lives at the same house which houses a monstrous Rottweiler, who taunts ANYONE looking at the 6 foot wooden fence that surrounds him. Once they were in the house, they called me.  At this point, I was on my way home to take them to school.  I was also on the line with Animal Control.  So "funny," because as I kept recanting this story, I've used Animal Control and Patrol interchangeably.  I'm  pretty sure it's the former.  Where was I?  Oh, so I make it home and I get the deets and I'm so thankful that my babies weren't hurt.  When I saw the proximity of where they were walking and where they were encountered and hid, I'm in awe.  Because this house is located on a tight bend of a road, most cars almost come to a complete stop when approaching it.  It was a commuter coming around the bend that saved my children.  The dog was distracted by the car and proceeded to follow it, while my kids were sneaking away from the dog's presence and view.  Once in the clear, they ran down the long stretch of a road to safety and ultimately in our house.

Words can not describe how relieved and thankful and happy I was to see them.  I got them together and took them both to school.  For the rest of the day, I proceeded to track that fucker's every step.  I drove past that house several times and each time the dog was either sitting on the porch or pacing the fence parameters.  I call Animal Patrol and they said they'd sent someone to the house, but the dog was nowhere around.  Eventually, I was put through to the dispatcher who said another person would be coming back out.  In an attempt to keep him local, I grab two plastic cups and filled 'em with dog food and got in the car.  ****I drove around to see him and was going to throw food alllllll over the front yard to keep him busy while Animal Control were on their way.  #fail  I never saw the dog again, but in hindsight I realize how much of an idiot I was.  I should have thrown the food anyway!!!!

I went back home feeling defeated.  I called Animal Control...again.  There were no updates, so I fell asleep for a few minutes.  I popped up and got in my truck and drove to the damn house again.  See, as a parent I couldn't imagine my kids walking to school again without some resolution.  When I approached the corner where the house is located, I saw a police car (yay) and a huge animal van (yayyyyyyy).  Instead of doing the most, I kindly hooked a U and came back home.  Need I say that I called again?  This time they confirmed my dreams coming true.  This time I fell asleep for more than a few minutes.        

*tustling is not a real word, though commonly used like **scacey.
**scacey is not a real word, though commonly used and ***supposedly means airy, amongst me and my best girlfriends, two of which are sisters, who inherited this vocab from their mom, who probably passed it on from her momma.  
***thinking scacey and its use are hilar, it now means many more things, but it's mostly still airy or thin (as in hair) or sketchy as in neighborhood or someone's demeanor. 
****That 2pointsomething GPA and Bachelor's in Criminal Justice didn't go to waste, see?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

IRregardless it's IRregular

I'm normally a really punctual chick, so that I've been running habitually late to work, for the last month or so has me vexed.  Today was not out of the ordinary.  I was late.  I got up in time.  Got showered and dressed in time, but still managed to be tardy.  I know part of the time wasted had to do with multiple visits to the mirror.

As I'm at work, I'm never really comfortable with my outfit.  When that happens, I'm reclusive and fidgety. Like today.  Individually I like what I''m wearing, but it didn't come together properly.  The shirt, we'll examine later.  For starters, the obvious is the wrinkled skirt.  What you don't see is how it's slightly twisted and honestly it appears as if one could seemingly wear this "backwards" too.  It's just odd and misshapen and kinda baggy (though it's a 6).  I think this is one of those skirts I bought on sale somewheres and the shyt was discounted because of an unspecified irregularity.  That's got to be it.  My tights were even tattered.  I lasted a good hour or two in 'em, before I trotted my azz down to CVS and bought a replacement pair.  I must say, they're a keeper.   

My shirt fell victim to most shirts I wear.  SWEAT. It's always the right pit and it's always annoying.  Trust me, I take this into account with every purchase I make.  Sometimes I'll say ef it (as in this case) and buy the damn shirt, but I pay the price later.  I never stink, p.s.  It just looks bad, along with that silly facial expression of mine.  When the day was over, I felt and eventually looked better.