Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Breath of Fresh Air

I was having a conversation with an ex co-worker about her staff member, whose breath is downright foul.  I remember him very well and I implored her to say something.  It's a touchy subject and very hard to do, but it must be done.  It's not fair to him and it's REALLY not fair to her!  In the long run, they'll both appreciate the candid convo.  In general, we all talk a good game about what we'd say and how we'd want someone to tell us...but do we?  Honestly, could you tell your lover or family member that they didn't smell so well?  An occasional bad breath day, okay. But what about funky feet or putrid pits?  Bad balls or tart tits?  Would you, could you tell a friend? Would you, could if they offend?      

A while ago I told one of my exes that his breath wasn't on the money.  He ate gobs of pasta, loaded with garlic and I hated it.  I'd complain and refuse smooches.  Out of retaliation, he told me that I was "musky" sometimes.  I didn't put any weight to it, however (is that the saying?). Anyway, in response to my complaints, he tried to correct the problem.  That's all I needed - acknowledgment, acceptance, and a GD effort.  Some people need more than that though. They need a full out intervention, with a signed commitment to change, forever.

I remember being with my cousins, during our annual cousins reunion weekend thingy.  We were posing and taking pictures left and right.  I was sitting on the couch and putting my arm around one cousin, to take our last picture before we left.  As we were gathering purses and taking last swigs, she said, "Did you put on deodorant?" SHOCKED.  One by one, I lifted my arms to take a whiff and said, "Yeah, do I stink?"  She said, "Yeah girl."  I laughed and was like, "OMG, thank you."  I ran upstairs, washed my underarms ('cause you can't put sweet on top-a funk), slathered myself in Degree, and ran down the steps.  When we got into the car, I told everybody about what she said and thanked her, 'cause THAT'S a real thang she did.  Now of course, I'm incredibly self conscious.  I have a teeny travel size stick of Degree at work and in my car and in my purse and in....just joking, but I do have one in my overhead at my office.  Think I might have OCD or something.  Before clubbing, I tend to rub on a little more than usual as I'm heading out the door.  Phucking deo balls practically fall from my pits when I'm dancing and raising the roof.  Ha!  I bring new meaning to "making it rain."  I'm making it snow on suckas!!!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Quick To Pull The Trigger

I had to google the title of this post to make sure I had it correctly.  Yup, I do.  It means to quickly respond to something.  I usually don't do this, b'cept in the guy category.  My divorce had me verrrry leery of men.  I can easily look back now and see that I was a scared, heartbroken lil thang who shut shyt down if ANY guy said one damn thing to me that didn't sound quite right.  In hindsight, I regret some of those actions.  I allowed less overtly wicked ones to weasel their ways into this heart o' mine, while fending off those whose intentions were probably more pure.  Pure might be a stretch.  Less wicked will suffice.  It's okay.  It really is.  I've learned a whole lot and ain't that what it's all about? I'm finally able to exhale.  I swear it took forever, but thankfully my Buddha spirit and some mean daimoku guided me.  I'm not mad or sad.  I'm actually on the road to happiness and hopefulness.

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Last night was so damn fun, and there's nothing better than an unexpected cackle.  Wait, yes there is.  What's better, is an unexpected, seemingly never-ending, hardy laugh.  I had that.  I did that.

The day was a normal, work day.  My work hubby and I made up...again and all was well.  The kids arrived home safely from school and I was all set to work on some blog drafts, when my homeboy texts me about the comedy show he was attending later.  I told him that my co-worker and her guy went the previous night.  He asked what she said, because apparently this was a new show, and I told him that she hadn't reported back.  After a brief conversation with her, it turns out they didn't go, but were on the way, at THAT moment.  I got giddy.  I texted my homeboy and yeah so I basically invited myself to kick it with him, his lady, his boy, and his lady, thus therefore making myself their +1.

Fast forward to warning the kids about not opening the door and keeping hands off of the other.  I threw on something cute and comfy and bolted.  Ah, the advantages of having older kids!

I arrived to find my co-worker and her boo sitting at the perfect seat, holding an empty space for me.  I was their +1 too, awww.  (Are you detecting the love?) The show didn't start until after 8, which was cool.  It gave me a chance to call my girl and holla at her for a minute.  While I was outside, my homeboy and nem arrived.  I dapped them up (still on the phone) and they went inside. I followed soon thereafter when I heard intro music!  I gets in and the local comedian Red Grant is on stage.  He's the host and he was pretty damn funny.  I've never seen or heard him, but I was pleasantly surprised at how I was laughing.  I'd only had one drink, so don't blame it on the alcohol.  He intro'd a few comics, and the lead singer from the go-go band Suttle Thoughts came on.  Had chicks up in there swooning.  Right before the featured comic, Red pulled a guy onto the stage who apparently is repping the DMV area AND is part of Prince's band.  Yes theeee Prince.  That dude played a phucking harmonica.  Nah, he murdered that shyt.  Peep my vid and pardon my cheers.

While I'd already gotten a good dose of my laugh on, nothing prepared me for what was next. Red Grant did the whole "coming to the stage we got...." thing.  Immediately, I peeped the comic's dimple.  It was so deep and prominent and just precious.  He said a few jokes and I think I saw a white light.  I'm not lying.  The rest of the night was a hilarious blur of sorts.  And if I couldn't fall back on my good looks, I'd be really embarrassed at my behavior.  I became "that chick."  You know...the one who loses all control of everything just because they're laughing.  That was me.  At some point, during the evening I:
  • dramatically fell over the bar where I was sitting,
  • stood up declaring that I was going to leave,
  • begged the comedian to get off the stage,
  • stomped my feet,
  • spun COMPLETELY around on my stool,
  • turned my back to the comedian,
  • grabbed the lady beside,
  • leaned on the lady beside me,
  • extended my hand for five, from the lady beside me,
  • high fived the lady beside,
  • did the previous 3 things to my co-worker...and her guy,
  • walked over to the my homeboy's table and did said things to him and his lady,
  • hollered,
  • yelled at the comic to "stop"
  • loudly answered the questions he posed to the audience,
  • finger snapped,
  • was all "uh, no he didn't," 
  • complained about my cheeks and abs hurting, and 
  • unapologetically did the most.  
Everybody deserves to freely feel what I felt and I hope that one day you do.  

P.S. How much of a wanksta would I be if I didn't tell you who had me in stitches actin' a complete fool?  His name, drum roll...Mark Viera!!!!!!!!!! Here's a taste of what he did.


Monday, June 13, 2011


I tweeted this a few minutes ago.

" aGoalDigger

My cousin posted on my wall "Ha! That profile pic says it all."  I agreed and then I took to Twitter.  It made me think about how annoyed my friends have gotten in the past when I'm on my phone and I wonder why.  It's NOT like I stay on it all of the time, but what's wrong with my checking my phone or responding to a text or tweet when I'm with my friends?  And let's be clear, I'm NOWHERE near where I want to be professionally (outside of my 9-5 that is) so when things REALLY get poppin', the annoyance and gasps will most assuredly be disregarded.  Maybe it's more acceptable if it's for work?  IDK, but I look at shows like the Kardashians, specifically Kim and I think "Now there's a reason to be annoyed."  I stand firmly that I'm not like that, but I'm not ruling out the future possibility.  So for now, you guys have to deal with it. 

Friday, June 3, 2011


i heart lisaraye
this lil snippet, i just adore
watch her lips curl at the end

Thursday, June 2, 2011


i was sitting in my backyard one day and saw this THING.  i don't know what it was.  it wasn't an animal. it wasn't a petal in a web.  it just was.  i thought it was so beautiful. floating about.  aimlessly sailing. like me.