Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Just Fine

It's been a while.  I have more drafts on my Blogger dashboard than I care to admit.  I've put so much energy into the crafting the perfect "I'm back" post that I haven't posted shyt.  So, I've decided to just write. 

This year has been absolutely amazing for me.  I can't say that enough and not bubble the phuck up inside.  I've been incredibly blessed beyond belief.  My homeboy sent me a text from him and his wife (still odd to type that, since he just got married) that said "This is the year of Tiffanie."  It's true.  Everything, and I mean e'rythang I've wanted has come true.  My daddy bought me a house.  My kids are flourishing.  I have the best, most honorable friends ever.  I got a raise and I'm "Employee of the Year" and I got a new job.  My dog is healthy, still an aggressive little fucker, but a joy.  Best of all, I'm an auntie!!! No one can test me.  I'm so happy, from the depths of my soul and it's a feeling I've never felt...EVER.  I'm not counting giving birth or being married as being comparable to this level of happiness.  I think mostly because it's come so naturally and is not forced.  In the seemingly darkest of times, I've found and maintained joy.  That puts me well on my way to be a Bodhisattva

As I've mentioned before, I'm a Buddhist.  Our "church" is held on the first Sunday of every month and it's called Kosen Rufu, which is what we like to call World Peace Day.  It's a way for us to come together to share amazing experiences, upcoming news, spread world peace, both locally and globally.  There's no formality to it, however each month is lead by a particular district.  Sometimes a little thrown together program is distributed upon entering the center.  Other times, it's just stuff.  This time we were given the lyrics to Mary J. Blige's song "Just Fine."  I thought it was a tad odd, but not for the reasons you may.  It had nothing to do with singing secular music in a sacred environment.  No.  It was more about "are we gonna sing this" and "does everyone in this room even know the rhythm?"  Well, seems we did and they did!  I thought it was the most fitting song and post to jump start my blogging again.  So, please read the words and know that they apply to me.

Just Fine by Mary J. Blige   

You know I love music
And every time I hear something hot
It makes me wanna move
It makes me wanna have fun
But it’s something about this joint right here
This joint right here
Its makes me wanna…..Woooh

Let it go
Can’t let this thing called love get away from you
Feel free right now, going do what you want to do
Can’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I ain't gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
Keep your head up high
In yourself, believe in you, believe in me
Having a really good time, I’m not complaining
And I’m a still wear a smile if it raining
I got to enjoy myself regardless
I appreciate life, I’m so glad I got mine
So I like what I see when I’m looking at me

When I’m walking past the mirror
Ain't worried about you and what you gonna do
I’m a lady so I must stay classy
Got to keep it hot, keep it together
If I want to get better
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I won’t change my life, my life’s just fine

I ain't gon’ let nothing get in my way
(I ain't gone let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)
No matter what nobody has to say
(No way, no way, no way)
I ain’t gon’ let nothing get in my way
No matter what nobody has to say

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
It’s a really good thing to say
That I won’t change my life, my life’s just fine

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


Legally I'm single, free to mingle.  But the essence of me is a married woman.  I'm all tied up.  I've got shackles that chain me to one person, whoever that may be.  Bed hopping, body rocking, knocking boots all night long, ain't me.  My goodies are contained - fresh and sealed.  When the top is popped, only one hand goes in at a time.  I'm finger licking "betcha can't eat just one" Lays.  After the munchies have subsided and the high is low, I'm still here.  Except your cravings haven't been satisfied.  You're a picky eater - a snacker. One with an insatiable appetite, whose eyes are bigger than his stomach.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Breath of Fresh Air

I was having a conversation with an ex co-worker about her staff member, whose breath is downright foul.  I remember him very well and I implored her to say something.  It's a touchy subject and very hard to do, but it must be done.  It's not fair to him and it's REALLY not fair to her!  In the long run, they'll both appreciate the candid convo.  In general, we all talk a good game about what we'd say and how we'd want someone to tell us...but do we?  Honestly, could you tell your lover or family member that they didn't smell so well?  An occasional bad breath day, okay. But what about funky feet or putrid pits?  Bad balls or tart tits?  Would you, could you tell a friend? Would you, could if they offend?      

A while ago I told one of my exes that his breath wasn't on the money.  He ate gobs of pasta, loaded with garlic and I hated it.  I'd complain and refuse smooches.  Out of retaliation, he told me that I was "musky" sometimes.  I didn't put any weight to it, however (is that the saying?). Anyway, in response to my complaints, he tried to correct the problem.  That's all I needed - acknowledgment, acceptance, and a GD effort.  Some people need more than that though. They need a full out intervention, with a signed commitment to change, forever.

I remember being with my cousins, during our annual cousins reunion weekend thingy.  We were posing and taking pictures left and right.  I was sitting on the couch and putting my arm around one cousin, to take our last picture before we left.  As we were gathering purses and taking last swigs, she said, "Did you put on deodorant?" SHOCKED.  One by one, I lifted my arms to take a whiff and said, "Yeah, do I stink?"  She said, "Yeah girl."  I laughed and was like, "OMG, thank you."  I ran upstairs, washed my underarms ('cause you can't put sweet on top-a funk), slathered myself in Degree, and ran down the steps.  When we got into the car, I told everybody about what she said and thanked her, 'cause THAT'S a real thang she did.  Now of course, I'm incredibly self conscious.  I have a teeny travel size stick of Degree at work and in my car and in my purse and in....just joking, but I do have one in my overhead at my office.  Think I might have OCD or something.  Before clubbing, I tend to rub on a little more than usual as I'm heading out the door.  Phucking deo balls practically fall from my pits when I'm dancing and raising the roof.  Ha!  I bring new meaning to "making it rain."  I'm making it snow on suckas!!!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Quick To Pull The Trigger

I had to google the title of this post to make sure I had it correctly.  Yup, I do.  It means to quickly respond to something.  I usually don't do this, b'cept in the guy category.  My divorce had me verrrry leery of men.  I can easily look back now and see that I was a scared, heartbroken lil thang who shut shyt down if ANY guy said one damn thing to me that didn't sound quite right.  In hindsight, I regret some of those actions.  I allowed less overtly wicked ones to weasel their ways into this heart o' mine, while fending off those whose intentions were probably more pure.  Pure might be a stretch.  Less wicked will suffice.  It's okay.  It really is.  I've learned a whole lot and ain't that what it's all about? I'm finally able to exhale.  I swear it took forever, but thankfully my Buddha spirit and some mean daimoku guided me.  I'm not mad or sad.  I'm actually on the road to happiness and hopefulness.

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Last night was so damn fun, and there's nothing better than an unexpected cackle.  Wait, yes there is.  What's better, is an unexpected, seemingly never-ending, hardy laugh.  I had that.  I did that.

The day was a normal, work day.  My work hubby and I made up...again and all was well.  The kids arrived home safely from school and I was all set to work on some blog drafts, when my homeboy texts me about the comedy show he was attending later.  I told him that my co-worker and her guy went the previous night.  He asked what she said, because apparently this was a new show, and I told him that she hadn't reported back.  After a brief conversation with her, it turns out they didn't go, but were on the way, at THAT moment.  I got giddy.  I texted my homeboy and yeah so I basically invited myself to kick it with him, his lady, his boy, and his lady, thus therefore making myself their +1.

Fast forward to warning the kids about not opening the door and keeping hands off of the other.  I threw on something cute and comfy and bolted.  Ah, the advantages of having older kids!

I arrived to find my co-worker and her boo sitting at the perfect seat, holding an empty space for me.  I was their +1 too, awww.  (Are you detecting the love?) The show didn't start until after 8, which was cool.  It gave me a chance to call my girl and holla at her for a minute.  While I was outside, my homeboy and nem arrived.  I dapped them up (still on the phone) and they went inside. I followed soon thereafter when I heard intro music!  I gets in and the local comedian Red Grant is on stage.  He's the host and he was pretty damn funny.  I've never seen or heard him, but I was pleasantly surprised at how I was laughing.  I'd only had one drink, so don't blame it on the alcohol.  He intro'd a few comics, and the lead singer from the go-go band Suttle Thoughts came on.  Had chicks up in there swooning.  Right before the featured comic, Red pulled a guy onto the stage who apparently is repping the DMV area AND is part of Prince's band.  Yes theeee Prince.  That dude played a phucking harmonica.  Nah, he murdered that shyt.  Peep my vid and pardon my cheers.

While I'd already gotten a good dose of my laugh on, nothing prepared me for what was next. Red Grant did the whole "coming to the stage we got...." thing.  Immediately, I peeped the comic's dimple.  It was so deep and prominent and just precious.  He said a few jokes and I think I saw a white light.  I'm not lying.  The rest of the night was a hilarious blur of sorts.  And if I couldn't fall back on my good looks, I'd be really embarrassed at my behavior.  I became "that chick."  You know...the one who loses all control of everything just because they're laughing.  That was me.  At some point, during the evening I:
  • dramatically fell over the bar where I was sitting,
  • stood up declaring that I was going to leave,
  • begged the comedian to get off the stage,
  • stomped my feet,
  • spun COMPLETELY around on my stool,
  • turned my back to the comedian,
  • grabbed the lady beside,
  • leaned on the lady beside me,
  • extended my hand for five, from the lady beside me,
  • high fived the lady beside,
  • did the previous 3 things to my co-worker...and her guy,
  • walked over to the my homeboy's table and did said things to him and his lady,
  • hollered,
  • yelled at the comic to "stop"
  • loudly answered the questions he posed to the audience,
  • finger snapped,
  • was all "uh, no he didn't," 
  • complained about my cheeks and abs hurting, and 
  • unapologetically did the most.  
Everybody deserves to freely feel what I felt and I hope that one day you do.  

P.S. How much of a wanksta would I be if I didn't tell you who had me in stitches actin' a complete fool?  His name, drum roll...Mark Viera!!!!!!!!!! Here's a taste of what he did.


Monday, June 13, 2011


I tweeted this a few minutes ago.

" aGoalDigger

My cousin posted on my wall "Ha! That profile pic says it all."  I agreed and then I took to Twitter.  It made me think about how annoyed my friends have gotten in the past when I'm on my phone and I wonder why.  It's NOT like I stay on it all of the time, but what's wrong with my checking my phone or responding to a text or tweet when I'm with my friends?  And let's be clear, I'm NOWHERE near where I want to be professionally (outside of my 9-5 that is) so when things REALLY get poppin', the annoyance and gasps will most assuredly be disregarded.  Maybe it's more acceptable if it's for work?  IDK, but I look at shows like the Kardashians, specifically Kim and I think "Now there's a reason to be annoyed."  I stand firmly that I'm not like that, but I'm not ruling out the future possibility.  So for now, you guys have to deal with it. 

Friday, June 3, 2011


i heart lisaraye
this lil snippet, i just adore
watch her lips curl at the end

Thursday, June 2, 2011


i was sitting in my backyard one day and saw this THING.  i don't know what it was.  it wasn't an animal. it wasn't a petal in a web.  it just was.  i thought it was so beautiful. floating about.  aimlessly sailing. like me.


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Someone To Call My Lover

Last night I was feverishly working and listening to music on random. I came across a Janet Jacson song, and then decided to listen to only her, on random still. When this song came on, I paused. There was a connection. My finger snapping slowed and I listened intently and thought, "Damn, this is how I'm feeling right now. Like right this minute."

Back on the road again
Feeling kinda lonely
And looking for the right guy
To be mine

Friends say I'm crazy cause
Easily I fall in love
You gotta do it different J
This time

Maybe we'll meet at a bar
He'll drive a funky car
Maybe we'll meet at a club
And fall so deeply in love
He'll tell me I'm the one
And we'll have so much fun
I'll be the girl of his dreams maybe

Alright maybe gonna find him today
I gotta get someone to call my lover
Yeah baby come on
Alright baby come in
Pass my way
I gotta get someone to call my lover
Yeah baby come on


I spoil them when I'm in love
Giving them what they dream of
Sometimes it's not a good thing
But I'm blind

I love hard with everything
Giving my all more than they
I'll take my friends' advice this time
I'll do it differently

Maybe we'll meet at a bar
He'll drive a funky car
Maybe we'll meet at a club
And fall so deeply in love
He'll tell me I'm the one
And we'll have so much fun
I'll be the girl of his dreams maybe

Alright maybe gonna find him today
I gotta get someone to call my lover
Yeah baby come on
Alright baby come in
Pass my way
I gotta get someone to call my lover
Yeah baby come on


My my
Looking for a guy guy
I don't want him too shy
But he's gotta have the qualities
That I like in a man
Strong, smart, affectionate
He's gotta be all for me
And I'll be too
You see happily

Maybe we'll meet at a bar
He'll drive a funky car
Maybe we'll meet at a club
And fall so deeply in love
He'll tell me I'm the one
And we'll have so much fun
I'll be the girl of his dreams maybe

Alright maybe gonna find him today
I gotta get someone to call my lover
Yeah baby come on
Alright baby come in
Pass my way
I gotta get someone to call my lover
Yeah baby come on

Monday, May 16, 2011

Far Away

by Marsha Ambrosius, 2011

The very first time I heard this song my natural inclination was to get all sad and reminisce over some boy and love lost. I don't feel bad for that, because the song totally gives you that vibe. It wasn't until I saw the video, that I realized the song was about a love lost, but in an unadulterated way.  Marsha apparently lost a dear friend to suicide, because he was bullied about his sexual orientation. I love the gays, both male and female, though I know mostly guys and it breaks my heart that they ever have to face fear and aggression, because of who they're loving, bumpin' or grindin'.   Now, I can't listen to this song without getting teary eyed and busting into some Buddhist chant.  It's beautiful, in a weird way, and I hope its message meets the intended parties.  

So sad to see you go so soon
I know that you ain't coming back
In the beginning everything was cool
Toward the end of it all it's all bad
I know I played my part in making it what it is
And I know that you did the same
I guess I'm up outta here
I'm moving on again
I'm sure that you will understand
I play by the rules
You play by the game
I couldn't have stayed
It's easier to say
Cause I was by your side
When you went through the pain
I guess it doesn't matter now that you're so far away

And every minute you're gone
I'm missing you so
I can't believe that you're far away
Can't get you out of my mind
Boy you're out of my life
I can't believe that you're far away
If you could hear me baby
Now that you're so far away
Didn't want you to go babe, babe

Ooh tear stains on my pillow
Tryna forget ya
Don't know what I'm gonna do
More days and counting
I've been laying and staring
Myself in the mirror
All alone in my room
I can't feel this way again
Gonna think with my head
Cause my heart is what got me here
So hurt from what you've done
More than enough reasons for me to move on
Cause I gave you my word
You put your trust in me
Supposed to be the one to give you what you need
I was by your side
When we were meant to be
Guess it doesn't matter now that you're so

Far away
And every minute you're gone
I'm missing you so
I can't believe that you're far away
Can't get you out of my mind
Boy you're out of my life
I can't believe that you're far away
If you could hear me baby
Now that you're so far away

If I'd have known Sunday morning
That you would be gone
I would have never come home
I wouldn't have answered my phone
To hear the voice at your tone
I knew that something was wrong babe
The cops who had told me
That you was alone inside an empty room
Identified you as my baby
Oh my baby
So far away

And every minute you're gone
I'm missing you so
I can't believe that you're far away
Can't get you out of my mind
Boy you're out of my life
I can't believe that you're far away
If you could hear me baby
Now that you're so far away
Can't believe that you're gone

I'm So Excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm ashamed to admit it, but there have been times when my fingers have been downright raw, sore even, from texting on my phone. I have a loyal and obsessive love for this electronic communication. It's short and sweet and less intrusive than actually talking on the phone. I think I like it most, because you can send one-liners, with tag along emoticons to convey whatever you're feeling. However, we texters, seem to take it too far sometimes.

How many times have you sent or received a text that read "LOL"? You know damn well you weren't really laughing out loud and just ignore your suspicions that the sender wasn't either. What lights my fire are the "LMAO" (laughing my azz off) replies. But, what really burns me are the "ROTFL" (rolling on the floor laughing) texts. YOU'RE NOT ROLLING ON THE FLOOR!!! Just recently, I saw "ROTFLCOPTER" which means rolling on the floor laughing and spinning around. Do I even need to comment on this? I mean seriously. You can if you want, but I'm not touching it.

Now, I've done the LOL lying thing before, but here's where I'm really guilty. The other day, I was skimming over some text-versations and noticed how many times I added an exclamation mark at the of my sentences. It was obscene, the amount. I doubled-up, even trippled-up the bats and balls. Practically everything ended in an exclamation mark. Some examples include:

"Hey chica!"
"No! Boil it for what?"
"So NOT a party!"
"Happy Birthday Boo!!!"
"Too wild!"
"Uh huh! Whatever, sucka. LOL!!!"
"I lost five pounds!!!"
"HUSH!!!" (caps and bats really bring home the point)
"Finger snaps!"
"What?!?!" (the quest-clamation mark is a sinful combination on the rise)
"So many incense smells!"
"Osama's a goner!!!!!!!!"

So, you get the point. It's crazy right? Since then, I've put myself on exclamation probation. I'm only going to use it when necessary or appropriate, i.e. "to indicate strong feelings or high volume." I have to say, it's been hard, real hard, but I'm determined! (what the hell, a few for the road, LOL!!!)

Monday, May 2, 2011


After a craptastically, fuckalicious week, Saturday evening came as a pleasant and unexpected surprise.  I hardly ever wear half of the shyt that I purchase.  Keeping it really real, I have a closet full of "just in case" pieces.  As Rihanna said, "I'm such a fucking lay-day, you don't have to be so afraid," so if there is EVER a chance for me to gussied up, I'm gonna take it.  Took the hell outta it, too.  I'm fond of my shape and I've been known to work the curves and prop that thang up juuuuust right in a booty popping, taken from the side pic.  But on Saturdee I was demure as hell.  I loved it.  A hint of my back showed and it was the perfect amount, especially since my bra never made an appearance in the sliver of back fabric.  What's more...my dress made a delicate swish swashy noise, which made it seem all the more fancy.  My 6 inch heels matched splendidly and who doesn't want the freedom to carry an eentsy weensy purse containing nothing but lip stuff?  Who???  I tell ya.  I felt like a doll and twirled like one.  I'm totally looking forward to more days like that.

Butt of course there's a quasi-booty shot.

My smile was so bright.  I couldn't hide it.  

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Zero point Zero

I'm so many things, besides the center of attention and a mom.  People like me, some even love me.  I've been told I've got good energy.  Actually, I've been told a host of wonderful things about my radiant personality and how I make others feel.  That's why, it might be kinda hard to understand how deep my lonliness runs.  It seems like a harsh or inaccurate statement to make, but I don't have any friends.  I take responsibilty for my part.  Surely this post won't offend, because I tell the truth and keeps it gully.  I should probably have included some quotes, but fuck it.  I'll explain further.  Why not? I'll shed light on the self imposed allegation of inaccuracy. 

  • I've got a best friend, about whom posts have been written.  She lives in Los Angeles.  We speak and/or text pretty much every day.  If we're lucky, we can get a good Skype session in  at least once a week.  She's the one person on this earth I can share EVERYTHING with and not feel judged.  For that and her I'm very grateful.

  • I've got two other girlfriends that I've known since 11 years old.  Right, gasp.  That's a long time.  I love them dearly.  It's just that "our" (there are the quotes I talked about earlier) relationship has changed.  They're sisters, so they're pretty much eternally close.  Unlike my ass getting accidentally knocked up - twice, at very young ages, they're JUST starting their families.  While they're loading and unloading carseats and putting together modern baby gadgets, which are so fucking foreign to me, I'm dealing with a tween and teen.  I'm having pending period and sex talks.  They're over there assigning nicknames to private parts and talking in voices only Otis, my pup, would recognize.  We're in different spaces.  Been there. Done that.  Won't ever. Go back.  So you see?  We really only have the past in common, and that's okay!  I understand.  I'm just explaining to y'all. 

  • I have two male friends.  They've both found love and so they're fully into their significant others.  Nuff said.  

  • Then there's my homegirl that I met on a Back-to-School night when my tween was in kinnygarden.  Our kids, her boy and my girl, became best friends.  In fact, they're still friends and it's the most adorable thing.  Anyway, meeting her was such a blessing.  It's been a long time, since I connected with a chick and I met her when I was married.  We kicked it like none other and I attribute her apartment patio to my emotional stability.  We had many a night out there, just chilling.  Well, love called and she answered.  This one, she didn't just relocate to another town.  Noooo.  She left the damn country and went to Germany for two years.  I could barely handle the 4 hour move, which came first, but that shit she pulled going across a massive body of water and shit...it hurt.  Our relationship never recovered.  Don't get it twisted, she's still my ride or die, but you know shit's changed.  Oh, I should definitely add that two of her closest friends, became two of mine, buuuutttt...one moved back to her hometown, i.e. away from the DMV and the other is still here and madly in love.  When I first separated, the three of us did the most hitting up happy hours and road tripping and such. We had a ball.  There were never any arguments or a falling out.  We kinda grew apart.  We don't talk regularly on the phone, nor do we text.  Months can and have gone by when we'll see each other.  Throw in a dick or two and that pretty much explains our stray.  No love lost, because it's still there...just different.

  • I'm close to my ex's, brother's, ex-wife (yeah, you might need to read that again), but wouldn't you know it - she up and got married.  I don't need to go too far into the friends I made as a result and during my marriage, do I?  One in particular had my heart, but there were two problems.  1.  Her husband couldn't stand me, and 2. they fucking moved to another state.  I got a divorce.  That was that.  We're still in contact, though she's now local, but that ain't the same either.  What hasn't changed is our desire to be entrepreneurs, which is pretty dope.  Our ideas have been bouncing off each other for years.  I love that.  

  • Annnd, what about those 9-5'ers I've got? What can I say, beyond the obvious.  When you stop working with each other, it's a wrap.  Of course, that's NOT all of the time, but it's pretty often happened to me. Me no likey.

Soooo there you have it.  I have friends, just not the kind or type I'd like.  Sometimes I want to go get a drink and have dinner.  Sometimes I want a concert buddy.  Sometimes I want to go to a spa and sit around sipping shit from fancy glasses with a mint green mask on my face.  Sometimes I want to borrow an outfit or bangle.  Sometimes I want to go shopping with my girls and #icant.   

Saturday, March 5, 2011


Sometimes being a parent fucking sucks.  I honestly wish people thought longer and harder, before they get longer and harder.  Yeah, that might be a bit crass, but whatevs.  The amount of responsibility that comes with overseeing, guiding, massaging, and encouraging a child's life is a lot.  It really is.  Besides that cute cuddly baby?  Oh he turns into a teenager with stinky feet, p.s.  I love 'em.  Lord knows it.  Anything in my power, I'll do to protect my babies.  I will.  In fact, I'll take off work hunting down a vicious dog to safeguard 'em.  Let me back up...

earlier this week (actually four weeks ago, b/c that's when I started this post)

I'm at work, on time I might add, putting the finishing touches on my morning make-up and I get a call.  On my mobile.  From my daughter.  She normally texts when she's at the bus stop or on it.  I raised my brow at her call and answered...to her screaming and panicking.  I couldn't make her out at first, but then she said it.  A FUCKING PIT BULL WAS CHASING HER AND MY SON WHILE THEY WERE WALKING TO SCHOOL. 


I tried to calm her as she screamed and begged "Mommy what do we do? What do we do?"  I'm tearing up, side note.  I was in DC, at least 25 minutes away from them.  There was silence and rustling and *tustling then she said they were able to "escape" and were running back home.  This was AFTER she jumped on top of a car and my son hid behind it.  The dog apparently lives at the same house which houses a monstrous Rottweiler, who taunts ANYONE looking at the 6 foot wooden fence that surrounds him. Once they were in the house, they called me.  At this point, I was on my way home to take them to school.  I was also on the line with Animal Control.  So "funny," because as I kept recanting this story, I've used Animal Control and Patrol interchangeably.  I'm  pretty sure it's the former.  Where was I?  Oh, so I make it home and I get the deets and I'm so thankful that my babies weren't hurt.  When I saw the proximity of where they were walking and where they were encountered and hid, I'm in awe.  Because this house is located on a tight bend of a road, most cars almost come to a complete stop when approaching it.  It was a commuter coming around the bend that saved my children.  The dog was distracted by the car and proceeded to follow it, while my kids were sneaking away from the dog's presence and view.  Once in the clear, they ran down the long stretch of a road to safety and ultimately in our house.

Words can not describe how relieved and thankful and happy I was to see them.  I got them together and took them both to school.  For the rest of the day, I proceeded to track that fucker's every step.  I drove past that house several times and each time the dog was either sitting on the porch or pacing the fence parameters.  I call Animal Patrol and they said they'd sent someone to the house, but the dog was nowhere around.  Eventually, I was put through to the dispatcher who said another person would be coming back out.  In an attempt to keep him local, I grab two plastic cups and filled 'em with dog food and got in the car.  ****I drove around to see him and was going to throw food alllllll over the front yard to keep him busy while Animal Control were on their way.  #fail  I never saw the dog again, but in hindsight I realize how much of an idiot I was.  I should have thrown the food anyway!!!!

I went back home feeling defeated.  I called Animal Control...again.  There were no updates, so I fell asleep for a few minutes.  I popped up and got in my truck and drove to the damn house again.  See, as a parent I couldn't imagine my kids walking to school again without some resolution.  When I approached the corner where the house is located, I saw a police car (yay) and a huge animal van (yayyyyyyy).  Instead of doing the most, I kindly hooked a U and came back home.  Need I say that I called again?  This time they confirmed my dreams coming true.  This time I fell asleep for more than a few minutes.        

*tustling is not a real word, though commonly used like **scacey.
**scacey is not a real word, though commonly used and ***supposedly means airy, amongst me and my best girlfriends, two of which are sisters, who inherited this vocab from their mom, who probably passed it on from her momma.  
***thinking scacey and its use are hilar, it now means many more things, but it's mostly still airy or thin (as in hair) or sketchy as in neighborhood or someone's demeanor. 
****That 2pointsomething GPA and Bachelor's in Criminal Justice didn't go to waste, see?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

IRregardless it's IRregular

I'm normally a really punctual chick, so that I've been running habitually late to work, for the last month or so has me vexed.  Today was not out of the ordinary.  I was late.  I got up in time.  Got showered and dressed in time, but still managed to be tardy.  I know part of the time wasted had to do with multiple visits to the mirror.

As I'm at work, I'm never really comfortable with my outfit.  When that happens, I'm reclusive and fidgety. Like today.  Individually I like what I''m wearing, but it didn't come together properly.  The shirt, we'll examine later.  For starters, the obvious is the wrinkled skirt.  What you don't see is how it's slightly twisted and honestly it appears as if one could seemingly wear this "backwards" too.  It's just odd and misshapen and kinda baggy (though it's a 6).  I think this is one of those skirts I bought on sale somewheres and the shyt was discounted because of an unspecified irregularity.  That's got to be it.  My tights were even tattered.  I lasted a good hour or two in 'em, before I trotted my azz down to CVS and bought a replacement pair.  I must say, they're a keeper.   

My shirt fell victim to most shirts I wear.  SWEAT. It's always the right pit and it's always annoying.  Trust me, I take this into account with every purchase I make.  Sometimes I'll say ef it (as in this case) and buy the damn shirt, but I pay the price later.  I never stink, p.s.  It just looks bad, along with that silly facial expression of mine.  When the day was over, I felt and eventually looked better.  

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Baby You're a Firrrrrework!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My trip to LA, a few weeks ago, was eye opening, for several reasons. In this moment, I'm sharing with you just one of 'em. My best friend annoyingly kept belting out the chorus to Katy Perry's song Firework. The song, though poppy and catchy, got the gas face from me after seeing her perform it live. She sounded spotty, or pitchy or whatever Randy and nem would say on Idol. I hated it and she's verrrrry painful to watch, dance wise. Well, best friend and one of her fabulous friends did everything in their power to convince me to give her (Katy) another chance. "Feel it Boo. Get into it," she said. "Go online and listen to the song and read the lyrics. DO IT." Damn, okay. I promised I would. I did. This bytch right here (me) actually got teary eyed. I mean, I'm such a sucka for lyrics, good meaningful ones. Ms. Perry gets the green light and thumbs up from me. I just love the feeling of feeling connected to others' thoughts, especially when it's someone not in my category. Hope you enjoy it too.

Firework, the lyrics

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Middle of The Road

Can I just state for the record that I hate dating?  Sure not as much as I hate being married to a lying azz, cheating azz, hateful azz mofo, but I still hate dating.  There are too  many games and my core's getting hard.  Seriously, I'm not equipped.  I think most men are dogs.  I don't trust any of them, sans my son who's known to tell a fib or two.  Anyone with a penis gets the gas face and a raised eyebrow.  I know, it's phucked up, but I've been through some shyt, and as much as I HATE saying this, "it is what it is" 'til I change it!   

I just did the finger count and it's been over three years, since I've been single.  I've had my share of meet-n-greets with the fellas and a few have stuck around, either in my heart or memory.  I've dated some youngins and some seniors and they're pretty much the same, mentally and physically (read into it as much as you'd like).  Aaliyah was right, age really ain't nothing but a number. If put in the position, I always thought I'd settle down (again) with an older dude, but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen.  What they lack in currency, the make up for in experience.  As for the youngins, what they lack in experience, they make up for in currency and enthusiasm.  I can say this much, chivalry didn't kill everyone.  There are a few youngins who actually open your door, without getting the cue of neck rolls and your eyes leading his hand to the handle.  Yeah, that's some of them.  You'd expect the seasoned senior "from the old school" to know better, but they don't.  And it sucks, either way.

If caught at the right time, middle-aged men can put themselves on the map.  Show and prove and develop into a seasoned senior.  Hell, they're young enough to have learned from both the seniors and youngins.  Where they fall short is in the fashion department.  It's not their forte.  They can still rock some Chucks without looking square.  But they're pants fit PERFECTTLY and are more likely to dangle (you know at the ankle, because they're too short for fear of being too long) and that's not a good look.  They take better care of their bodies, before youth slips away.  Unlike the senior and the youngin', their squirt proportions are usually  on point (TWSS).  They never seem to bathe in their cologne.  They get it just right, so as to not tease you with the scent, but not overpower you with it.  They're the saving grace I think.  I don't know.  Only time will tell, but for now  spring chickens and old geezers unite!  Make this gal a believer again.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

No Ordinary Boy is Gonna Do

Eyes beautiful enough to make a cat jealous.  Lips pouty enough that no pursing is permitted.  Michelle Pfeifer has it all.  She can do no wrong in my eyes.  She's sleek and underrated.  My love affair started with the sequel to Grease, Grease 2.  It hasn't ended.  I don't think it ever will.  I never saw Grease and I never will.  I don't know why I identify with her character so much.  She's a young, idolized, popular girl in high school.  The only thing we had in common was our youth.  That's it, but I guess that was enough.  Every song she belted out, flew into me.  Earlier today, Cool Rider randomly played on my media player, because yes I have the soundtrack.  I smiled and thought, with all I've been through with these damn fools out here, I need a motha phuckin' Cool Rider.  I really think it's worth listening to, but what do I know?

Cool Rider

If you really want to know
What I want in a guy...
Well, I'm lookin' for a dream on a mean machine
With hell in his eyes.
I want a devil in skin tight leather,
And he's gonna be wild as the wind.
And one fine night, I'll be holdin' on tight...

To a coooool rider, a coooool rider.
If he's cool enough,
He can burn me through and through.
Whhoa ohhhh
If it takes forever,
Then I'll wait forever.
No ordinary boy,
No ordinary boy is gonna do.
I want a rider that's cool.

That's the way it's gonna be,
And that's the way that I feel.
I want a whole lot more than the boy next door,
I want hell on wheels.
Just give me a fine motorcycle,
With a man growin' out of the seat.
And move aside, cause I'm gonna ride...


I don't want no ordinary guys,
Comin' on strong to me.
They don't know what I'm lookin' for,
They don't know what I need.
They're gonna know when he gets here,
Cause the crowd will be shakin'.
I'll do anything to let him know,
That I'm his, his for the takin'.

I want a coooooool rider,
A cool, cool, cool, cool rider.
I want a coooooool rider,
A cool, cool, cool, cool rider.
I want a C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R.
I need a C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R.