Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Zero point Zero

I'm so many things, besides the center of attention and a mom.  People like me, some even love me.  I've been told I've got good energy.  Actually, I've been told a host of wonderful things about my radiant personality and how I make others feel.  That's why, it might be kinda hard to understand how deep my lonliness runs.  It seems like a harsh or inaccurate statement to make, but I don't have any friends.  I take responsibilty for my part.  Surely this post won't offend, because I tell the truth and keeps it gully.  I should probably have included some quotes, but fuck it.  I'll explain further.  Why not? I'll shed light on the self imposed allegation of inaccuracy. 

  • I've got a best friend, about whom posts have been written.  She lives in Los Angeles.  We speak and/or text pretty much every day.  If we're lucky, we can get a good Skype session in  at least once a week.  She's the one person on this earth I can share EVERYTHING with and not feel judged.  For that and her I'm very grateful.

  • I've got two other girlfriends that I've known since 11 years old.  Right, gasp.  That's a long time.  I love them dearly.  It's just that "our" (there are the quotes I talked about earlier) relationship has changed.  They're sisters, so they're pretty much eternally close.  Unlike my ass getting accidentally knocked up - twice, at very young ages, they're JUST starting their families.  While they're loading and unloading carseats and putting together modern baby gadgets, which are so fucking foreign to me, I'm dealing with a tween and teen.  I'm having pending period and sex talks.  They're over there assigning nicknames to private parts and talking in voices only Otis, my pup, would recognize.  We're in different spaces.  Been there. Done that.  Won't ever. Go back.  So you see?  We really only have the past in common, and that's okay!  I understand.  I'm just explaining to y'all. 

  • I have two male friends.  They've both found love and so they're fully into their significant others.  Nuff said.  

  • Then there's my homegirl that I met on a Back-to-School night when my tween was in kinnygarden.  Our kids, her boy and my girl, became best friends.  In fact, they're still friends and it's the most adorable thing.  Anyway, meeting her was such a blessing.  It's been a long time, since I connected with a chick and I met her when I was married.  We kicked it like none other and I attribute her apartment patio to my emotional stability.  We had many a night out there, just chilling.  Well, love called and she answered.  This one, she didn't just relocate to another town.  Noooo.  She left the damn country and went to Germany for two years.  I could barely handle the 4 hour move, which came first, but that shit she pulled going across a massive body of water and shit...it hurt.  Our relationship never recovered.  Don't get it twisted, she's still my ride or die, but you know shit's changed.  Oh, I should definitely add that two of her closest friends, became two of mine, buuuutttt...one moved back to her hometown, i.e. away from the DMV and the other is still here and madly in love.  When I first separated, the three of us did the most hitting up happy hours and road tripping and such. We had a ball.  There were never any arguments or a falling out.  We kinda grew apart.  We don't talk regularly on the phone, nor do we text.  Months can and have gone by when we'll see each other.  Throw in a dick or two and that pretty much explains our stray.  No love lost, because it's still there...just different.

  • I'm close to my ex's, brother's, ex-wife (yeah, you might need to read that again), but wouldn't you know it - she up and got married.  I don't need to go too far into the friends I made as a result and during my marriage, do I?  One in particular had my heart, but there were two problems.  1.  Her husband couldn't stand me, and 2. they fucking moved to another state.  I got a divorce.  That was that.  We're still in contact, though she's now local, but that ain't the same either.  What hasn't changed is our desire to be entrepreneurs, which is pretty dope.  Our ideas have been bouncing off each other for years.  I love that.  

  • Annnd, what about those 9-5'ers I've got? What can I say, beyond the obvious.  When you stop working with each other, it's a wrap.  Of course, that's NOT all of the time, but it's pretty often happened to me. Me no likey.

Soooo there you have it.  I have friends, just not the kind or type I'd like.  Sometimes I want to go get a drink and have dinner.  Sometimes I want a concert buddy.  Sometimes I want to go to a spa and sit around sipping shit from fancy glasses with a mint green mask on my face.  Sometimes I want to borrow an outfit or bangle.  Sometimes I want to go shopping with my girls and #icant.   


  1. Hi Sherri! Sorry you can relate. Shit sucks at times. Don't want to come off as ungrateful, because I yam...for everything. I just want more and ain't shame to say it.

  2. I love this! I m definitely love my honorable mention! *finger snaps* I wish I could turn back the clock to those happy hours and dinners. Honestly, those were some of the happiest times of my life. Feale bonding at it's best! Reading this challenges me to be a better friend and do a better job of maintaining my friendships and sanity by having those dinners and outings! I love you for who you are and even though you feel lonely, you are definitely not alone! Umkay?!!


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